melt open

She is breathing heavily, I feel her heart being wounded . Her body is indecisive.

Can I trust intimacy ? I place one hand on her chest , one is resting on her belly .

Heartbeat. Bellybeat.

It was her first Tantric Massage. As we talk, we already unite with our tears . Wondering about our fear of trusting life. Have we forgotten , the path builds itself as we go ?

We are sitting apart , confirming each other, we are enough .

” We do not have to earn love ”

” I just wanna be, and do nothing ”

I am holding her face in my hands . You are so safe and you have always been.

There is something with her right arm . Fear of being stretched . Thoughts are holding so tight as I press my fingers into her palm. A story has broken open.

Rest safe between my thighs . Bowing down .

I can hear you, I  see your pain.

Love & warm oil . We are the alchemists .

You are  weeping.  And you are willing. The Brave ones are giving in .

My touch – Your enjoyment . It is all for you , and there is nothing to give back.

This soft belly . Warm and exposed, so vulnerable.

Vagina . Sister . Soft tapping , are you letting me in?

I wish they have touched you like this before. Your fear is telling me something else. Thank God we made  clear that you are safe.

They are so unique and they forgot they all want the same.

Make self-love, declare it your meditation . Masturbate with awareness, every day.

So many stories buried in this rough spot of ours. I am touching upon several of them. A short turn-off into the cervix , enough for now.

Hope someone else points his attention into this craving sanctum . Deep , enduring penetration .

Lightening you up from the inside.


Melt open .

Yes, love can break down some walls.

Your surrender broke mine.






I love cemeteries , especially here in Paris , but I never go there when I am really happy .

In 2011 I came to Paris for  the first time, without being there before I decided to move over from Germany . It was clear to me that I will live in the area of Montmartre . Until two weeks before my departure I did not find  an Appartement and I wasn’t worried at all . I was so excited  of my vision,  there was no space for doubt . And then  a friend of mine , a french girl studying in Germany , send me a message .

I was living for some month in an amazing house on the top of butte de Montmartre , for almost no costs . I popped into a beautiful neighborhood , it seemed as if everything was already arranged for me . I met my  future roommate & best friend on the trip to there, and in the first week I got into contact with those people who inspired me the most throughout the time . In front of my room was a plant named ” Pachysandra ” waiting for me . The parents of the boy who went abroad were a well-known actor and the former director of one of the biggest Theater in Paris . I was welcomed with open arms . I did not know anybody there before , there was no plan , no safety . I just knew that life is backing me up .

After six month I left the city . I came back to Germany with a heart full of guilt & pain and with no cash in my pockets . Did I fail ?

I came to Paris as an Artist . I quitted acting school in Germany , to find a place where my temperament would fit in . And to escape from my past . But I buried my drama in a huge cellar in the city where I grew up ,  and there was no way around than to  come back and dissolve it .

I dared to live my desires and to leave those behind who were afraid to do the same. I felt responsible for their suffering and sacrificed myself once more and  pretended to be a good girl willing to behave properly this time . I spend two years of grief and deep depression. The dark night of the soul overpowered me until I realized that in order to live I have to get the hell out and make an end to my victimhood.

Yes, I faced my demons . And they are still there . Thank God , cause everything that exists has its worth and until it is valued  it will chase and find us , wherever we go , til we share a little bit of our love with them . ” You  will die if you let go of your old belief system” they whisper. They are so afraid , these screwy little children of mine ,but they do not know what is love , these poor creatures , so I do my best to shed some  light to this demonish  aspect of mine starving for love .

I was convinced, that if I succeed in life , someone else will terribly suffer . So no matter how the universe showed off with opportunities & Angels on my way , I could not accept them  , my hands were full of old stories  I was terrified of  leaving behind . Who would I be without them ?

Since one year I am living in Paris again. I became successful , very much so . But not as an Artist , well can’t say that exactly, cause I am performing my work very artistically . I became a Sex worker , or  call it sexual healer . I started as a tantric Massage therapist in Germany and ended up with an  erotic Massage agency in Paris until I established my independent   clients for tantric sexual therapy . I became a star  in my field . Not in the work I desired to be , but  where I believed deserving to be .

Whenever I am at Montmartre I feel pain , as if Paris was withholding something , that I am not worth of having . Oh, yes I had a  hot chat with my demon friends today . I am about to end the chapter of the sacred prostitute, so they  try to survive   with ” who do you think you are doing what you love ” , ” there are people who need you ” …  bla bla bla

My pic of today is on the cemetery of  Montmartre , I am in a form of Synergetic Energy Exchange . We are sharing our love , hopefully realizing that we are one . The light and the absence of it .


Au revoir & Namasté