Erotic Spirituality

There is nothing in this world that is unspiritual . Every creature, living thing and the seemingly dead items are being enwrought by Creator Consciousness in a more or less expanded version of Itself .
Sexual Energy when being recognized as Spirit includes our highest Potencial for Selfrealization .
Eros is an energetic potencial bringing us into relationship with Nature, Language, Art and the world itself.
Without Eros there would be no mysticism ,  no devotion in any kind of religion .
It is the driving force behind our urge for Oneness.

As Platon said , Eros is the God who brings  the creative mind into Being.
Eros calls forth the aspiration for knowingness , passionately looking for Union with truth .
The passionate search for ( Re) Union is what makes us drive & thrive,  deep down within  we know about our Oneness with all there is , and we want to experience it ! 

While riding the wave back to the Sire (de -sire ) ; physical union is only one way to come to gether in Spirit . We can use our bodies for the purpose of Union, still for the majority of Beings we come into contact with, Union through awareness is to be prefered.

As we realize that our Life energy shows itself in our bodies through our Sexual energy , we can simply stop  hindering the current from its natural circulation . The essential tool here is our breath . As soon as we remind Ourselves to breathe into whatever comes up , fear , anxiety , the need to look away ,to talk nonesence ..we allow o be devoured by Oneness itself .

One of the most painful moments for me, while sharing this world with my Brothers and Sisters come up when Individuals deny our bond and prefer to insist on seperation.
Than I call upon the words of Byron Katie ” I’m very clear that everyone in the world loves me. I just don’t expect them to realize it yet .. ” 














melt open

She is breathing heavily, I feel her heart being wounded . Her body is indecisive.

Can I trust intimacy ? I place one hand on her chest , one is resting on her belly .

Heartbeat. Bellybeat.

It was her first Tantric Massage. As we talk, we already unite with our tears . Wondering about our fear of trusting life. Have we forgotten , the path builds itself as we go ?

We are sitting apart , confirming each other, we are enough .

” We do not have to earn love ”

” I just wanna be, and do nothing ”

I am holding her face in my hands . You are so safe and you have always been.

There is something with her right arm . Fear of being stretched . Thoughts are holding so tight as I press my fingers into her palm. A story has broken open.

Rest safe between my thighs . Bowing down .

I can hear you, I  see your pain.

Love & warm oil . We are the alchemists .

You are  weeping.  And you are willing. The Brave ones are giving in .

My touch – Your enjoyment . It is all for you , and there is nothing to give back.

This soft belly . Warm and exposed, so vulnerable.

Vagina . Sister . Soft tapping , are you letting me in?

I wish they have touched you like this before. Your fear is telling me something else. Thank God we made  clear that you are safe.

They are so unique and they forgot they all want the same.

Make self-love, declare it your meditation . Masturbate with awareness, every day.

So many stories buried in this rough spot of ours. I am touching upon several of them. A short turn-off into the cervix , enough for now.

Hope someone else points his attention into this craving sanctum . Deep , enduring penetration .

Lightening you up from the inside.


Melt open .

Yes, love can break down some walls.

Your surrender broke mine.






I recently had a sexual healing session  with a Tantric Sex Guru via skype that lasted about six hours .  I learned a lot from one of his students , a woman who did sexual healing work  with Men .  I heard  that this Man can make you come without even being present in the same room,   deep, full body orgasms , one after another.. .only through the energetic presence that is build up between you. Nothing has to be inside of you , no one has to play with your clitoris .

It  is all about energies, all about feeling   the liveliness that builds itself  up inside of your body .Through  the experience of  orgasms that involve the whole of your being , not only the genital body area, stuck resistance  is melt down  and  negative, locked emotions are transformed into a flowing stream of passion, life energy , love  & joy  .The more you practise that ecstatic state the more you come to realize the inner booster that is dwelling inside of you ,waiting to spread itself out into every fibre of your being and literally bringing your juices into full fluency.

Of course I wanted to experience these orgasms , but I only booked a personal analysis session based on a concept of Spirituality & Science , called Human Design . Though I knew intuitively it will continue further, but I did not imagine that I would be gifted with  4 and half hours of moaning, breathing, rejoicing and crying  ..

And yet, I could have been breathing deeper, moaning louder and whining more expressively,  but I did not . Because of the mother that was speaking in my head and residing in my womb . Cause of the stories  I was projecting onto the woman who let me a room in her house and who was lurking around .Whenever I would “feel” very intense , my mind immediately popped into the experience reminding me to shut up.  After my first Orgasm I relaxed much more and previous concerns left me. And at that point I connected with my emotions, my pain and my anger .One Orgasm than crying , being angry , Orgasm and an ongoing twitching of my body that even continued into the next day. In the end I was a twitching & giggling clump lying on the bed.

” You see ” , said the Tantric Master, ” how you are still carrying your mother in the belly , not allowing yourself to live in your fullness only because she did not do so ? Life is offering you a gift and you are still concerned about what your mother is going to say when she hears you enjoying sex… that is simply missing life .. ”

I was even willing to cancel the session after two hours because I could not relax with the voices in my head, that the Lady could hear me . I rented a room from an older woman  , and I realized how many stories, mother stories I projected onto her but I was not aware that I was willing to deny my sexuality out of loyalty  . And that was the golden thread in my life story . To deny life out of loyalty to the woman who gave birth to me and sacrificed all of her pleasures.  The so-called mother wound . Children keeping themselves small to not risk any enviousness and resentment of their mothers.  Unless we heal it , realize the stories and deliberately choose new ones , all abundance will simply be repelled when knocking at our door..

Life gave me the opportunity for grieving . Where else can we connect with our emotions in such a profound way than in our sexuality ? I touched upon the overwhelmed inner child, her powerlessness, her fear and tremendous anger , the divine rage that wants to be heard . In love-making, sexual intercourse we have the ability to transform our negative emotions into a colourful bouquet of enchanting scented flowers . We can truly become a vibrant rainbow . The Man’s Penis is the magical transformer , the head of the Penis burns the tension, the pain, the anger stored in the womb, and reveals an amount of love that therefore nourishes his own heart . In that sence the cycle of Ying & Yang becomes complete .

Women are carrying a psychological wound in the depths of their vaginas .Guilt and Shame  stored in the hidden chamber down under fertilized with rage and negative energies infused through Men that have been deprived of their masculinity  , first from their mother and then  their wifes . That is the anger we could feel if we are sensitive enough.  When Men would allow themselves to feel their penis during sex , they would feel all of their  suppressed emotions, and they could transform them as well through their breath and the woman’s love . Unless that awareness takes place we  can never be ” filled up” with restoring energy.  The woman will receive an unconscious Penis that is simply pouring its own tension into her womb . A Penis that fucks its own mother who cutt off his balls.  Men are carrying the wound in their hearts .The wound of not being allowed to feel, not being allowed to cry. Woman’s nature is to love, to share the love out of her heart, Man’s nature is to share his Manhood through the potency of his sex organ . That’s how we are perfectly created to heal & restore each other. To fill us up . To beam again . That is the true meaning of  faire  de l ‘ amour .

The Master made a vow once, that he will never let a woman leave  unless she has come to experience the fullness of her Womanhood . Unless saliva is pouring out of her , embracing the strength and divine authority of an authentic Man . He would have continued with me , but I really had to finish our ” conference” . When  I mentioned my concerns of being loud, he said I could  share with the Lady the most amazing sexual experience of my life and she would maybe rejoice with me and we would end up in tears together . But I was not so courageous .  I went out of my room, the Lady  sneaking outside asking me if I have at all left the house today . And I said , ” No there was no need for , I just had the most amazing sexual healing session of my life on skype , 6 hours of love making ….”

Au revoir & Namasté

Sandra Kokic

Balkan’s CURSE & India’s GURU

In my dream last night I was in a  relationship with a man I really adored. He was immensely engaged in avoiding any intimacy with me…I went for a walk to see the sun rising, he was happy that I left, and that’s when I woke up.

6 am, awakened, the sunrise behind the houses, pink coloured makes my heart feeling warm,but still I am carrying the weight of the dream with me. Do I really not deserve to be loved?

In the Balkans, where my parents origin from, it is common to curse, out of positive or out of negative moods. You can add it like the english expression ” what the fuck..” or ” motherfucker ” or to indulge them in more profound ways, you add whatever else is most holy to you, God, Mary, Jesus, church, the holy sunday, holy bread, you combine it with the devil , put all of your suppressed anger , rage and pain in it,  and then you address the result to your most beloved, for example your children.
When I was a child and my mum had one of her rage attacks, she used to celebrate them in a performance grabbing my long hair and pulling me over the floor. Mom loved to yell out:

” May God enable  the devil to take away all the happiness out of your life, and may you never have a man who loves you by your side” , accompanied by the wish that I had never been born.
Usually this whole procedure was assisted by  a  belt.  I had to bring the belt,  take my pants off,
and to promise to be obedient and never ever do IT again  ( not to finish cleaning the house untill she comes home or to speak more than I was allowed to).

The last time, I was in India, I was literally brought to a man  called the ” Guru ” who was able to see other people’s  field of Aura and reveal deep insights about themselves.
When I arrived in Jaipur, I did not have a hotel, ( not even the “lonely planet ” with me )  ,  I arrived at about 10 pm at the train station. A young indian guy, smart-looking, addressed me as a guide and proposed to drive me to a hotel nearby. I was completely ignorant towards him, convinced that he is a cheater, and continued my straight way not knowing where I was going to.
I walked towards an exit  that no one else used, when this ” guide” appeared , offering me this time to prove himself as a real tourist guide. I realized that I was quite lost, and gave him the chance to present himself. It turned out that he was in the top five of best Jaipur guides, affirmed by trip advisor.

Janu accompanied me for two days, as a personal guide, brought me to all shops I could possibly imagine to see, temples and palaces. The second day he drove me to my bus that lead me to Ajmer, he did not take one Rupee from me, he even payed the bus ticket.I was standing in front of the bus wanting to hug him, but I knew that this would have been a no go in front of the people around.
I sat down in the bus, with eyes full of tears and Janu said, ” If you want to see me again, than you have to come back “.
But before this he brought me to the ” Guru ” .

I entered ” Guru’s ” room and the first thing he told me was  ” forgive your mother … ”   . eehh, sorry? My knees started to shake and  tears  ran down my cheeks.   “…  for  cursing you “ .  He continued ” the worst thing that happened in your life was that your Mother gave birth to you and the best thing that happened is that you gave birth to your child, cause  this has saved you from suicide “


Sometimes I imagine my mum as a little girl, sitting on my lap , me as an  adult , and asking her about her desires and dreams. She loves to speak and to giggle with me,  revealing me all of her longings of being free and loved.

I know that the best thing that happened in my life was that this woman , my mother gave birth to me.That I popped into this schizophrenic family, that I am originating from the Balkans,loud, wild and full off passion. It’s the result of who I am now. Without having experienced this past , the deep longing for ” Wholeness ” would never have occurred in my life, and I would never have made my highest value to realize the truth behind this dramaplay , I dropped into.

There is a parable, by Neale Donald Walsch, in which a little soul has a conversation with “God”.
She is so eager to experience all aspects of her Self, but because she is surrounded only by universal light,she can only see that. Therefore she chooses to incarnate to earth, to connect exactly with those circumstances and people that will help her experiencing what she has been chosen.
Here is a short sequence of a dialog she has with God and another soul

” You may choose to experience any Aspect of Divinity in, as, and through you.”said God
“Okay,” said the little soul, then I choose forgiveness. I want to experience my Self
as that Aspect of God called Complete Forgiveness.”
“Well, this creates a little challenge, as you can imagine.
There is no one to forgive.All I have created is Perfection and Love ”
“No one to forgive?” asked the Little Soul, somewhat incredulously.
“No one,” God repeated. “Look around you. Do you see any souls less perfect,
less wonderful than you?”
“I see none less perfect than I,” the Little Soul exclaimed.”
Who then, shall I have to forgive?”
Just then another soul stepped forward from the crowd.
“You may forgive me,” said the Friendly Soul.
“For what?” the little soul asked.
“I will come onto your next physical lifetime and do something for you to forgive,”
replied the friendly Soul.
“But what? What could you, a being of such Perfect Light, do to make me forgive you?”
the Little Soul wanted to know.
“Oh,” smiled the Friendly Soul, I’m sure we can think of something…”

Our own agreements, no curse and no bad karma.
Difficult to understand sometimes.
But as we are all one ,from one soup of consciousness, divided into individual phiscical extensions,
it is also me who is doing it to myself.
Using others to ” do it to me “.
My thought vibrations attract and create certain circumstances ,contrasting parts of who I really am .
Actually I could say ” Thank you soulsister”, for providing me the space through which our fucking amazing, goddess like Selfs can shine through, fullfilling its intention and purpose….
Oh là là…

No victim and no doer.
This is leading me to my own responsibility and to my own power of choosing deliberately new stories, now!
There is nothing else than Love. Everything else is a huuuuge Illusion.
A film that makes it really heard to see that we love each other.

Let’s drop our painful victim stories and realize that we all deserve to be loved, no matter what we have done or failed to do. And that we can write new joyful plays and set stories in scene that makes us feel good!

That’s the magic part of the play.
I wonder if God informed the little soul abot that ability,
think I should have a chat with him…

Au revoir & Namasté



In the night of 21st of August I woke up at about 3.30. I went to take a glass of water, taken from my waterbowl filled with crystals, sat down on the chair next to the window ( what I never do when I wake up in the night), and there she glanced at me , in all her beauty. It was full moon night at exactly 3:44 …ok. nothing unusual that the moon awakes me just to say hello.,but no don’t  forget about my nightmares and the moaning …

Last night, I woke up at 1:30, at 2:30 and then finally at 6 o ‘ clock.No chance to sleep peacefully, a mini mosquito humming around my head( I never had it before in Germany).This time I had the feeling there is a message for me, as if someone wants to wake me up out of a dream in a symbolical way. At 6 o’ clock I switched on my laptop( usually I never do this) went on facebook and there I found this post


in summary:

“Lilith is the one crying out in the night when our lives have become too politically correct, shouting: ‘NO! I am here, I am real, let me in …”

She came to warn me. Of course.

Cause if I decide for the spinning wheel I will die for sure.

Again for the third or fourth time I am about to decide where to live, what means to me , to leave my birth city finally , and let the past be past and to move to France, to Paris.

Oh, said my consience, you cant do this , make a compromise. ( What the hell is a compromise? Ah,  no one gets wat he wants.. )

Ok , I said, although I feel very uncomfortable in Germany ( what means feeling like a wolf amongst sheeps or referring to ” the ugly duckling” told by C.Pinkola Estes ) I will be a good girl and  move to Cologne. Its near Wuppertal, I am away and still if someone needs me I am fastly available. I am thinking about all the rejection I am experiencing as an artist , as a partner, friend and mother, here in Germany, and this pattern of me, to punish me with those people who actually do not want me..what the hell am I doing here then?  Yes, I know my attitude towards myself is simply being reflected by others, no need to blame them. Yes, I say, and if there is an inner , an intuitive pull to other places, where I feel more secure or more at home, like a wild horse back with his flock or the ugly duckling that realizes that it is a swan and joins finally the joyful gathering..then pack your shit and get the fuck out of there !

No, I am staying available for my twelve year old son, who lives with his father, happyly  and also rejecting me all the time.( Oh, I am still thinking I deserve it like that.)

Am I using him for not being allowed to expand? Am I using my past, my family( although two of the main actors already died, and noone is living here anymore, exept me) as an excuse, cause I do not have the guts to jump ?

Yes, and still understandable. Do you know  Grimm’s fairytale ” the girl without hands” ?  When the father took off the hands of his daughter to save his own life and give hers to the devil, the daughter was cutted off in action. What means she was followed by deep feelings of guilt, that every time when she would actively realize her desires she would be responsible for the death of her father. And still for the girl there is / was no other way, than to ” take something in her hands” and to make herself guilty. And only than, ( not with the silver artificial hands made by her husband, the king ) and when she returns in her own inner house ” where everyone lives free” her hands will start to grow again and she will be free.

Eugen Drewermann is writing a beautiful analysis on this tale. Well, actually somehow they are smart this Germans, sometimes…and some of them

Thank you Brothers Grimm

Thank you Lilith. I love you. And I will never allow them to tame me.

Au revoir & Namas te