” Howsoever deep is the dark , it is going to vanish …”
Can’t wait ..!
I have been listening to the teachings of “Abraham Hicks ” for about one year , almost every day . I registered for the upcoming workshop and I expected to “know it all ” afterwards. To have my inner light of knowledge constantly burning and not to be lost in feelings of despair again …But I found myself yet another time navigating through the dark corridors of my negative believes .
Unworthy, deep down to the guts. A huge gap between my desires and the reality that is manifested around . With the conclusion that there must be something damn wrong and bad with me when what I want is not here . And as I would never ever create such bad circumstances for myself it also must be someone else who is doing that stuff to me.! Some kind of external power , I can not defeat , no matter how hard I try , and oh how I was trying to please others and “be a good girl”, I gave up my dreams , immersed into a work of selfless service , I sacrificed what ever ( I thought ) was wanted and yet I was not allowed to play….
Los Angeles, the day of the workshop , in essence about the Law of Attraction ( That which is like unto itself, is drawn ). I felt so ill ! So sick and negative . And than those people who were greeting each other with big smiles, and phrases swirling around , ” All is well ” & ” Things are always working out ” . My goodness …! But, like anywhere else in life, I was at a vibrational gathering , all answers were for me , and all questions were my questions . The tears of those who were raising their voice on stage, melted down the walls of resistance and protection of lots of us, while being remembered of how we were ment to fulfill our desires and be selfish enough to do what feels good .
My subconsciousness knew what was waiting for me, and my mind was freaking out. I was not in ease , but in dis – ease .! The night before I was dreaming of my father, who passed away a year ago , and in my dream a group accused him of some kind of sexual contact with minor girls, they wanted to take him away . Me, convinced of his innocence, wanted to save him, My Dad was so cool , as he was saying to me ” I am fine with leaving , just let me go “
When I was younger,my father was my taxi driver, always available without any conditions . As I arrived at my appartement in Los Angeles , and took a seat at a bistro right at the corner of the street , a beautiful white Limousine drove into the parking. The Man, inquiring about my lunch and asking if he could have a seat next to me. That was the beginning of a friendship with Charles , who runs his own airport taxi service in LA . He drove me to the workshop at about seven in the morning , coming from his home that was one and a half hour away from mine . He picked me up from the gathering . On the day of my departure from LA to the airport ,he was at my place before sunrise, working during the night… he just rented a hotel room to have a shower and he didn’t want me to pay anything for that service .
I was not forgotten and neither not taken care of , no matter where and with whom on earth I would be . Charles told me about his dreams , we were singing in the car and listening to Jazz music while moving our bodies to the beat . I saw his passion for dance , and heard his amazing jazzy voice .He could not believe when I told him that it is right to please himself , he was flashed like a child that receives a great gift.
I would never come to experience a level of despair if I would not know deep inside that I am so much more . And how I know it in times, I feel it so much that the absence of its manifestation freaks me out. But the only reason I do not have it tangible in my experience is because I think I do not deserve it . That is the big secret behind all unfulfilled desires . No matter the subject .
And the great magic of having, touching and living those desires is to feel them emotionally before having them ! . Not only for a few moments but over a certain period of time . You start to expect the fulfillment of your wishes cause you know that your worth is a natural given. You know that you are adored by life and that universe itself is rejoicing with your expansion and fulfillment , now imagine that !
The suffering comes with forgetfulness . If we would know who we are we would enjoy the ride immensely and appreciate all those “unwanted” things that bring us into clearer focus of that so badly wanted stuff.
Can it be that simple , that we just have to follow our good feelings in life to be happy ? So , the only “hard” work in order to achieve happiness is therefore, being willing enough to make my feelings the highest priority?
Yes .Go with one good feeling thought and the next one and next.. until you burst with passion and joy and an energy that is illuminating. Whenever I start to follow my inner guidance , I realize the power that creates worlds, that is stored inside, pouring from my guts and lightening towards my head , waiting to ride with me . On fire , my juices are flowing . I do not feel hunger or thirst or any other physical needs ,only inspiration that is leading my actions . One impulse following the next, culminating & calming down until you ride the wave of ecstasy with trust, even when darkness still exists around you .
So , why not bring our juices into circulation and listen to the good sounding feelings inside of us ? It would be such a petty to miss all the good stuff here on earth, cause that’ s what we came for …Can we dare to be that selfish ?