Today I wrote a letter to my self, me at the age of 8 . To me at the age of 36.
” Dear Sandra,
When I have grown up and I am an adult, I want to be a real woman. I want you to be completely free and I want you to do what ever you desire to. I hope that you are allowed to dress beautifully and that you have planty of amazing clothes.
I want to dance a LOT. I want to dress up and masquerade and I want to be allowed to speak a lot.
I do not want to ” have to ” .
I do not want to do what others want me to, in the way that they want.
And Mom and my brother, are not allowed to be angry with me ever again, and they are not allowed to beat me.
I want you to move far away from them and that you never come back again.
eight years ”
smart little girl. I was sitting in a café today when I wrote it, I read it for myself and tears went down my cheeks. One of my tasks I was completing, of my work book
” The Artist’s way ” by Julia Cameron. A guide to activate the creativity and to reconnect with our inner child.
I am working with the book the third time ( to finish the book one needs three months, as it is a structured work book).For the first time I am completing the task of having a date with my inner child, the so called artist’s date, what means , taking time once in a week for two hours , and to do things that your inner child loves doing ! I was not able to take this time before, and I always had excuses like, I do not need it, I am already well connected, and I know how to be playful, blabla . I was terrifed actually to meet this needy child inside of me, that got lost somewhere on the way. To see her lying alone , being sad, crying, I think this would have killed me, I could not have dealed with her before..I did not know how to behave, what to give her..
Once when I was in the beautiful Osho meditation ressort in Pune ( India ), doing a personal session with one of the amazing facilitators over there, the woman asked me during the session ( when I was in Trance) , to embrace the pillow she put on my chest, that represented my inner child.( Before we went on a journey in imagination to meet my parents..) It took me minutes to do so, I was lying there as crucified,weeping, dramatising, unable to embrace this pillow!
Yesterday, I had one artist’s date, and we bought Disney artwork to colour! I loved to do this as a child. And we also bought amazing 3D stickers of mermaids…..aaah so sweet . I sticked them on my laptop, my fridge, and the book ” the artist’s way” next to the pic of myself at the age of five…
Thank you little girl for being so patient with me, for waiting for me all these years. I was so busy, so ignorant, denying you most of the time. I am still learning you know…I will do my best to stay in contact with you, to let you play as much as you desire,allow you to dance as wild as you wish and to allow you and myself to follow our joy.
I love you